Living is a crime where everyone is both a murderer and a victim.
We wake up each day hoping this day would be different from yesterday while others just got tired of hoping and end up killing themselves, at least on the inside. As a result, these people easily feel physically tired, lose focus, irritated, and depressed. One or two of your friends are like this, or it could be you.
What caused you to kill your humanity? You can say “I’M DEAD INSIDE” when you’re too fed up with things that always happen to your life that you just chose not to feel anything in order to make it through the day. Even if you tried so much to change it but nothing happens. It’s like you’re a robot or the human manifestation Squidward after everything that keeps on coming and stabs you in the heart.
There are three common causes that could force you to kill your own ability to feel:
Cause of Death: Workload
The first DEAD INSIDE reason we have is work overload or job description. When you’re not happy with your current job like you used to, you slowly lose passion for your work. You begin to feel lazy to wake up to go to work even if you know it’s your only source of income. Meanwhile, some job could really kill a person’s ability to feel; for example, if it involves hurting people in either physically or mentally like the person whose job is to squeeze the syringe in an execution chamber. That’s heavy load of emotion you would have to bear to the point that you have to be heartless in order to fulfill the job.
Cause of Death: People and relationship
One of the most common DEAD INSIDE reason is the relationship. This happens when your love life is slowly fading but it happened to you already too many times ago so you just get on with it. This also happens to people on single status, they gave up wishing for someone to come and love them loyally and unconditionally. I don’t know, maybe some people are just unlucky with finding a perfect partner.
The society could also make you say “…I’m DEAD INSIDE anyway”. You’re tired of the people around you making the same mistakes, doing same stupidity, and sometimes even involving you without your knowledge. Taking the blame is becoming a hobby for you, you’re suited for the risk because you can’t feel the pressure of burden anymore.
Some people are so heartless, they would push you to the limit that you might think that removing your ability to feel is the only way to keep on maintaining the connection with them. When you’re a family member, or an employee, or a member of a group, you can’t just simply leave so you accept the fact that they would pierce you with their painful words and carry it until you feel numb.
Cause of Death: Information
You thought there’s no pressure of knowing a lot? Well, you’re wrong. Imagine if you love your partner so badly that when you think he/she is cheating, you decided to see it for yourself. But by the time you arrive on the scene, are you actually prepared to know the truth?
There’s a reason why some things are not meant to be learned. Sensitive information of people, especially when you’re too powerless to cause a significant change, is better to keep in yourself until such time you gained that power to act. The amount of information and truth is too heavy that you just chose to keep it, hoping you’d forget it one day. But you have to be careful too because some things are not meant to be changed. Sometimes, you have no choice but to be a bystander.
You’re a human but you already lost your humanity.
We kill our own humanity because we lose faith in everything that’s been happening to us almost on a daily basis. The pressure is too heavy that the only way to get through it is to teach ourselves to endure it. We thought killing our feelings would be the best solution because feelings only cause hindrances to our daily productivity. Some people embraced the fact that they are a victim of authority, and you can’t always change it.