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The Learning Bystander

 

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In every crime scene, there are always three types of people involved: The criminal, the victim, and the witness. Most of the time, the court settles between the first two since a statement which witnesses give are merely a hearsay without a solid proof. Now there’s another person who’s in there but not really involved. He’s the person that could have seen the events but refuses to share his knowledge and keep everything inside of him. Those people we called bystanders.

This is not always about crime scenes. These things always happen everywhere in every situation. There’s always the offender who started the problem; the offended who’s the casualty of the offender; the supporter who could be on either side; and lastly, we have the bystander who knows everything but chooses not to support. A bystander is a person who is present at an event or incident but does not take part.

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The Bystander Effect or the Bystander Apathy is a social psychological phenomenon in which individuals are less likely to offer help a victim when other people are present. However, there are bystanders that actually stop just to see what’s happening with some only watching for the sole purpose of fun and entertainment. Other bystanders take the opportunity seriously -These are the learning bystanders.

The advantage of being a bystander is the chance of learning from behind the scenes without getting hurt or affected. Learning from other people’s mistakes makes them like a student sitting in front of a school play of historical events. Being an audience is another way to absorb information of the people involved in a particular event which they could use to their advantage when the situation happens to them. Another advantage is their claim that they are just bystanders and uses it as their ticket to leave whenever the situation is getting tighter for them.

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Being a bystander also has disadvantages. I mean, a bystander can’t be a bystander forever. There will be moments that a bystander must drop the act of a person who doesn’t care and should get involved too. Another disadvantage is when they get to know a lot even the things they don’t want to know, it is the curse fated to bystanders.

What’s hard being a Bystander is most of them are becoming (or have to be) emotionally dead. The overwhelming knowledge or sometimes guilt depending on what the bystander witnessed is too great that the only way to keep them inside is to become cold. For the ones with the ability of wild imagination, putting their feet on somebody’s shoes is a common way to understand someone. And doing so, it also demonstrates the exact same emotion happened in the situation, thus receiving the same amount of pain for the bystander.

the learning bystander

The risk of being a bystander is the temptation to use other people’s information to get what the bystander wants. This is the reason why most learning bystanders evolve to an offender when they are hurt by the person whom they watched for a very long time. The worst type is the risk of becoming puppet-masters, also known as manipulators, but that is another story.

The bystander effect will remain so if not broken. No matter how much we say that keeping yourself from a distance is safer, it’s still considered inhumane to not help someone in need. A bystander who takes it as an opportunity to learn, if not helping is still heartless as everyone else.

 

By Cinderella
0cinderella

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My Personal Thoughts about Lying

Somebody asked me today: “How’d you do it?”

After I told her, I am the man of my words and I never lie.

Apparently, lying is a big deal for everyone. It gives a great impact to any form of community, leaves a dent on bonds, and could even kill anybody. I just thought that whoever thought the word, he chose to use 3 letters to describe it, like the word sin and bad. Also tells us that the word must not be as powerful as words with 4 or more letters like love and trust.

If you’re the type of person who Googles everything, Lying is an intentional false statement; Used with reference to a situation involving deception or founded on a mistaken impression. What caught my attention is how Google placed the definition as only second to it’s other meaning ‘to remain or rest in a flat surface or position’. I guess, even Google doesn’t prioritise unpleasant words. And when you ask somebody to what is a lie? They would, undoubtedly, define the unpleasant meaning.

So how did I do it? How can you end a day without even making a single lie?

Lying and Age

Whether we like it or not, we all lied in some points of our lives. Some people are still lying even now they’re old. For me, lying is only for kids. Those days when your parents, teachers, and churches have done their part of explaining that lying is wrong, yet we chose to use it because it’s fun and that’s how we look to be more superior than other kids. Lying is a kid’s way to be noticed. And behind those Liars go to hell sayings, we still lie because we know very well that we can still say sorry later.

Lying and it’s reasons

Why did you lie?

You lie because you thought it can fix a problem you did for the meantime. Coz you thought if you say sorry, you’ll still get punished in various ways. So why not lie and let them think everything’s okay? You thought you’ll just gonna fix it later when they’re not around.

You lied because it’s hard to choose between needs and wants. Be it something or a person, you lied because you thought you can still choose later when you’re ready to let go the other. To things, it won’t take long. To person, it would be as long as the time you rendered moving on if you’re sincere enough.

You lied because you’re hiding something. Whatever it is that you so much protected because of whatever reason, you don’t want somebody else to know. You lied to keep them or yourself away fro harm’s way, where in fact, you are already making things worst for yourself and to them.

To sum it all up, you use lies for temporary remedies. You chose a temporary remedy that results to lifetime pain, than a temporary pain that offers a lifetime remedy.

Lying and it’s relevance to people

Lying is as complex as The Principles of Understanding Women Vol.87 if such a book exist. We condemn it but we have restrictions as to how to lie for national security. We lie to avoid mass hysteria, to keep the upper hand advantage against enemies of the state, and to remain the peace talks between rivals. No matter how patriotic they sound, it’s a lie.

Lying is a job for some people. When pretending to be someone else that is in good shape like telling your customer you’re willing to help and very happy to serve in phone, where in truth and in fact, you have cursed him dozens of times as you fake your smile, you are already lying. You’re being paid to lie.

White lies is what we call to a lie that benefits us. But that’s no different with Robin hood who steals from the reach and gave it to the poor. No matter how much you look at it, it’s still a lie.

Truth and it’s first victim

Lying is an essential part of a person. It’s what completes us and could be the reason why we sacrifice ourselves to save the other from severe emotional pain. Sometimes, it’s easy not to talk than telling them know the truth.

To be honest, being a totally honest person is not entirely good. If you want to be totally honest, some parts of your emotions must die first. The feeling of guilt, urge to sacrifice, and sympathy… All three of them will disappear forever. That’s the consequence honest.

The moment when telling the truth might hurt anyone is always present. Because you can’t be honest if you hide the truth behind words.

I chose to be Painfully Honest, than making Sugarcoated Lies.

 

By SnowWhite
0snowwhite

 

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It’s in Iceland but not Cold

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As interesting as it sounds, the Iceland springs is one of the most incredible tourist spots on earth. That’s just one of the many wonders in Iceland making this country one of my travel bucket list.

Iceland is an island that’s slightly bigger than US’s state of Maine. The country is well known for its geothermal water attractions, one of which is the Blue Lagoon. Yes, the place doesn’t just exist in Bikini Bottom in Spongebob Squarepants. The warm waters of the lagoon are rich in silica and sulfur. It’s very real and very…blue.

The country is also known as “The Land of Fire and Ice” due to its highly active volcanoes but also glaciers. The country is located just about outside the arctic circle, but despite of that the climate is temperate. The “Kirkjufell”, also known as the Church Mountain due to its shape is located north of the Iceland in the arctic circle that makes a unique combo of landscape and northern lights.

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With a population of about 330,000 people, it’s not gonna be a huge surprise that most of Iceland’s stunning beauty is natural. The country has a contrasting element of heat and cold that allows beautiful geological landscapes and waters. The hot springs in the country is a must-try, with some even believed to cure skin illnesses.

So, if I want my bath time to be extraordinary, I’d visit the magical springs of Iceland. taking a bath will never be as special as this.

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Status: Going Strong to Going Wrong

Have you tried engaging into a relationship where people around you are convinced that your relationship is going strong but deep inside you know it’s going wrong?

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They say, arguments are normal in a relationship because it’s a strong proof that the communication between a couple is there. Communication between lovers performs a major role in making a more trustful relationship. But these days, some couples only rely on social media like Facebook Messenger or Skype to maintain communication especially if we’re talking about Long Distance Relationship.

But how can we really say that the relationship you once thought is going strong is already making you emotionally weak? Asking yourself this may already be a sign that you are under unhealthy relationship. Here are the signs that your relationship is going wrong that the people around you might have missed:

1. Communications off
As I said, communication is the key to strong relationship. If your partner starts to cut your communication off, you will be fighting a war while blind. You will never know your partner’s problem therefore you can never help nor recognize if you are already the problem. He/she will still like/react to your posts, tag you to photos, tweets on your wall but the real conversation is not there anymore.

2. Left out
As your partner cuts off the communication, you will feel left out both ideally and literally. It doesn’t matter if your partner is sharing the same bed with you or miles away, when he/she starts to move away every time you try to move close, there’s no way you can reach him/her. But you, nor the people around you, will not feel it yet because you trust your partner and you understand that sometimes he/she needs time to think and solve things alone.

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3. Something’s missing
Completely hidden from your friends and relatives, only you can notice that you’re starting to lose the person you love is slowly. And since other people think your relationship is doing just fine, they don’t get the picture that it’s actually crashing down.

4. Doubt
Doubt is ignited by your playful ideas and fueled by the people around you. You will realize that giving your partner the time he/she needs was a bad idea because he/she might have just used it to find someone new. Doubt will slowly corrupt you and you will feel desperate to talk to your partner. But since the communications is off, you will start to handle things more personally and hasty which will result to more complicated situations like finding out that…

5. You became the option
One of the most painful feeling you will ever experience is the feeling of being an option to anyone or anything. And it’s not just about other people, it could be a hobby, a career, or an object that makes your partner feel complete without you. You were once your partner’s whole world and now that he/she finds another happiness with someone or something else, you are now just an option – an option who can’t do anything but to wait or to let go. And since these things are only happening between you and your partner, making the first move of letting go will only make you the heartless one to dump your partner.

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Regardless of how long you’re together, married or not, the going wrong status can get you without even realizing it. Whether you wait or to let go, you will still be the victim. It’s quick, it’s quiet, and has no cure.

I really feel sorry for people in this kind of situation. This is the unspoken truth about relationship we don’t often see. One or two of your friends is currently crying because of this. All I can say is good luck and next time, try to find a partner who’s gonna live to his/her words.

 

By SnowWhite
0snowwhite

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She who must not be named

Killing the gossip is as impossible as North Korea quitting bombs..

And of course, a gossip will never surface without the person who started it. What’s worst is when you realize this person is your friend.

If you have this kind of friend, you should stay away immediately…like completely gone -No connections and if it will cost you your job just to be miles away from this person, then so be it. This is how dangerous this friend of yours could be on your back.

She who must not be named.

This friend of yours has the ability to manipulate every single person around you. She has the power to influence and her words are somewhat came from a prophet that everyone must believe. It’s almost like magic how this person can turn every person you knew against you. It’s so swift, you wouldn’t be able to notice it happened. And if you’re not smart enough, you’ll lose everyone in a blink.

This friend of yours has a habit: telling you something about this certain person and this certain person is surely not around when she starts talking. Her choice of words is a chant like a spell, once you heard it, it’s hard to turn away your ear.

But this friend is a coward. A dog with its tail between its legs. Once you go against what she’s saying, she will feel humiliated. Be careful, that’s when she will use her wicked skills against you.

There are many people that are fortunate enough to notice what your friend is up to. And when they noticed you’re slowly becoming like her, they will try to avoid you. And that is not a good sign for you.

If your friend is like this, it’s not too late for her. She’ll change once she understands. Telling her will only make you her enemy and making you her next gossip prospect to others.

 

By Cinderella
0cinderella

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Toxic ka ba sa Social Media?

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Ba’t ang toxic mo?

Bawat isa sa atin ay may pinagdadaanan sa buhay. At ang isa sa mga paraan upang maibsan o kahit mabawasan lamang ito ay sa pamamagitan ng pagsabi nito sa ibang tao. Sa ganoong paraan ay gumagaan ang ating pakiramdam at katamtaman lamang upang tayo’y bumalik muli sa laban. Yoong iba naman ay idinadaan sa social media gaya ng Facebook at Twitter. Nagpo-post tayo ng mga saloobin na tila nobela sa haba at minsan hindi pa natin napipigilang samahan ng masasamang pananalita.

Alam mo ba’ng Toxic ka?

Ang pagbansag ng “Toxic” sa isang tao ay hindi nangangahulugang exposed ang taong iyon sa isang nakamamatay na kemikal. Hindi rin ito nangangahulugang sexy na pangangatawan na ginagamit niya sa “makating” pamamaraan. Kapag tinawag ka’ng toxic ng isang tao, ibig-sabihin ay malimit kang mag-komentaryo o magpahayag ng mga negatibong bagay tungkol sa isang topic (Tao, Grupo, Bagay, Lugar, Aktibidad, Kaganapan, atbp.) na siya namang nasasaksihan ng publiko na sa sobrang negatibo ay nakakaapekto na sa mga tao sa paligid mo.

Sa paano nga ba natin nasasabing toxic na ang isang tao partikular sa social media? Madali ito maintindihan at maaari mong gamitin ang sarili mo bilang halimbawa. Ito ang mga senyales.

Toxic ka sa Social Media kapag:

  1. karamihan sa posts mo ay tungkol sa mga negatibong bagay.
  2. ipinapakita mo sa publiko na gusto mo nang sumuko o mamatay.
  3. hindi ka tumatanggap ng komentong taliwas sa pinaniniwalaan mo.
  4. minura mo na ang lahat.
  5. nahihila mo na ang ibang tao pababa.
  6. mabilis kang mainis o mairita sa mga simple o kadalasa’y masasayang bagay.
  7. naaapektuhan na ang ibang tao sa pagiging negatibo mo.
  8. nagiging maselan ka o mapagmataas at minamata mo na ang lahat.
  9. ikaw na ang nagsisimula ng away.
  10. sa sobrang negatibo mo, nilalayuan ka na dahil ayaw nilang mahawa sa’yo.

Kung toxic ka at gusto mo itong mawala pagkatao mo, simulan mo ito sa pamamagitan ng pag-tanggap ng lahat. Kapag natutunan mo ang Acceptance, unti-unti mo nang mababago ang sarili mo. Ngunit kung hindi mo matanggap na toxic ka at bobombahin mo na ako sa comment box, uunahan na kita…

Wag kang toxic.

 

By Rapunzel
0rapunzel

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10 Life Lessons from Ragnarok

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If there’s an online game I would never get tired of playing, that would be Ragnarok Online. Maybe that explains why I failed Business Math in my college days and almost lost my job just last year. But guess what, I’m still playing the game. According to a Philippine Daily top-10 TV Show, Ragnarok is NOT the first online game in the country, but it is indeed the very first online game to be so popular, it got so many adaptations and keeps on coming back.

Yes, it keeps on coming back. Because on March 2015, the popular MMORPG (Massively Multiplayer Online Role Playing Game) Philippine Ragnarok Online was shut down completely and because not all of its best players can’t just simply move to the international server, they decided to make their own private servers with different rules and set ups for the patrons to keep the burning feeling of Ragnarok gaming alive.

The good news is; the Philippine Server is back again with its Closed Beta Test (CBT) on June 20 and is now fully operational to this date. So many excited players of all ages immediately registered and played that sometimes the server is having difficulties trying to handle all 20,000 players at the same time.

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Now what’s in this game that everyone wants to play so bad? Let me start by saying Ragnarok is a virtual simulation of living.

1. Ragnarok is an RPG(Role Playing Game), meaning it offers its players the freedom to choose what class or “Job” they want to be in the game, but in an outdoor adventure style. Unlike other role playing games, Ragnarok has a total of 8 first class jobs with specific roles to contribute in the game (Swordsman, Archer, Acolyte, Mage, Merchant, and Thief, Ninja, Soul Linker, and Gunslinger.) while basic stuff such as cooking and deliveries can be done as quests. Each character must go under training, pretty much like nursery or preparatory for children.

2. Ragnarok will teach you geography. Ragnarok is a world with cities resembling our real world’s countries that you can visit. These places are just perfect enough to make you feel you’re exploring places like Thailand, England, and Hawaii.

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3. Ragnarok will teach you how to handle business. Given the fact that you act on behalf of your job is what makes the world of this game go round. But business is also a thing in this game. To earn more, some players makes business in game depending on their job. For example, if your job is the Merchant Class – Blacksmith, who are geniuses in crafting equipment, they can make weapons and sell them.

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4. Ragnarok will teach you that every drop of currency(Zeny) is important. Monsters and quests have different levels and therefore, offers different amount of rewards and drops. These rewards and drops could either be useful or not for your specific job and can be sold to NPCs (Non-Player Characters) of the game for fair price. Basically, you earn depending on how you work hard. See those white bars on the photo? That’s all vendors selling something. And that’s just the tip of the ice berg. These vendors can occupy the half of the town if they all go sell something all at the same time.

 

5. Ragnarok will teach you that teamwork is the key. In the game, players can make a temporary group called “party” where players from different places in the country can play together as one team and each job has their own task. Pretty much the same in the real world where in some point of our lives, we were paired with someone we don’t fully know, and there are times that we get ourselves into a team. To achieve the common goal, we work hard together with these strangers and in the minute one of the members go idle (or in the gaming terms “away from keyboard or AFK”), the team will fail.

6. Ragnarok will teach you how to be a good leader. Being a good leader is no easy task even in the game. In the real world, too much tasks can give you stress. Imagine yourself thinking about the bills, then taking care of your kids, and thinking about your job, then thinking about problems, etc. It’ll make you crazy. But for some people, the more they handle stress of different problems, the more they get used to it. In the game, you invite members, you focus on your job in battle, and at the same time, also you try to manage members that don’t do their job. The more you expose yourself to these problems, the stronger you become in handling them. “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.”

7. Ragnarok will teach you whenever there’s challenge, there’s conflict. It’s common in any way that two persons try to decide who’s the best is. The bigger version of it is war. In most games, Players-Vs-Player or PVP is a common way of proving your strength and skills to a fellow player. Ragnarok also has Guild Wars called War of Emperium. Emperium is a sort of golden crystal that controls an entire castle, which is also a symbol of power and whichever guild’s Emperium is holding the castle, is the best guild.

8. Ragnarok will remind you of your daily errands. Like how we are supposed to take a bath, brush our teeth, eat right, and do our homeworks, Ragnarok has also activities that are meant to be accomplished daily. Like how you earn the feeling of being refreshed when you take a bath daily, these quests will give you a not so rare but a daily necessity reward.

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9. Ragnarok will show you the fun of growing up. In real life, some people find growing up as a frustration that if they can only skip it, they would. But growing up has a lot things to offer too like getting a better job, age-restriction passes, or getting married. You can also experience these happy things in the game. But like in real life, you have to work hard to achieve them. For example in the marriage, you have to buy the ring, get the wedding dress, experience the hardship of reaching the church wearing the dress, and pay for the wedding service. All of these will pay off when you and your spouse finally get a baby.

10. Ragnarok will teach you how economy affects everything. When there’s trade, there’s economy. And economy has its own dark days. It’s that time when the price is too low, it doesn’t match your effort of getting the item anymore. And there are also times when a group of players decide to take over an entire map so that they’re the only ones who can acquire the specific rare item and sell it with a really high price. So unfair.

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In the end, Ragnarok Online is still just a game, created to escape from the real world for a while. It’s a good thing that the official server of Ragnarok is Pay-2-Play where you have to load (top-up) so you can play for hours but not the whole day.

Ragnarok, for me, is a representation of the real world in 2D where you go out every day in an unexpected adventure to work hard and live, have fun and socialize with others, and to value one’s self.

 

 

[credits to the owner of these photos whoever they are.]

By SnowWhite
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