“before I lose it and bite down”

 

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Have you ever seen a very sexy person (man or woman) that’s so sexy, you just wanna bite ’em down? I mean, literally?

This could be the creepiest story I can share to you. Until now, I don’t know if it’s a good thing but I happen to talk to a stranger who think he has a mental disorder of Cannibalism some time last year. If you think about it, it’s kinda creepy yet interesting so I want to share it with you. I suddenly remember this guy when I was checking my Facebook and saw these photos of sexy girls posing for a magazine. So I quickly checked my sound recordings file on my phone to see if my record of his story is still there. I’m surprised that the file is still there and renamed it ‘Before I lose it and bite down’.

I started recording a bit late but it’s okay since the first part of our conversation is just introductions with common topics.

*recording starts*
him: -before I lose it and bite down…
me: I’m sorry. You were once what again?
him: currently hungry.
me: no. I mean your situation.
him: ah! The cannibalism you mean? I think it started few years ago. You know when you suddenly feel hungry while looking at people. Mine is when I look at some photos of sexy and attractive girls like Ellen Adarna. She’s sexy, right? She’s like….every man’s dream. But as I stare longer, my stomach begins to feel empty like it’s pressing down deeper and I become really hungry. I never felt so hungry like that. It doesn’t happen to me when I look at the photos of my crush or other sexy girls before. But now whenever I see sexy photos of thick thighs drenched in heat, and white cleavage trapped in a fit shirt, I’m beginning to feel very hungry. TBH (to be honest) it scares me, especially when I begin to tell myself “I wonder what it taste like if I bite down on them.” At first I thought I was just hungry, until it happened frequently whenever I see girls like them. I imagine swallowing the bitten part without chewing down and hitting my tummy inside. Oh~ It must’ve feel satisfyingly good.

I suddenly felt the urge to pick up my phone on the table and run away as fast as I can. Then he starts talking again.

him: I know you’re already scared. I can see the hair in your arms raising. *grin* But this sickness is somehow selective. I only feel like it when I look at beautiful girls with fair white skin, showy cleavage of a kind-of-big chest in a tight shirt, and smooth legs.

As if he described what I look like on that day. It feels weird and unsafe near him. I don’t know what to say so I just looked at him.

I know I might get jailed for this but somehow, I feel like I can trust you. Besides, in the end of the day, this is just another story and I’m sure this is the last time we will see each other. Telling this to a girl who’s actually a potential meal for cravings like mine and getting off unharmed is a good sign that I didn’t lose it and didn’t bite down. I’m hungry but you’re still okay. You should…

*recording stops*

For the record, that’s the creepiest 1 minute and 46 seconds of my life. I approached him and made him really hungry. It must’ve been a great stomachache for him enduring the urge to bite. To fill the missing part, he just told me I might felt emotionally attacked after hearing what he said but I will soon forget this in time which is what happened. In fact, I already forgot about it as soon as I board the bus. Remembering he thanked me for staying even though I’m obviously scared makes me smile and feel brave.

By Cinderella
3

FROM SCARY TO FUNNY

 

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We all have our own experiences that made our life exciting than any adventure books ever written. Untold stories that were sometimes too embarrassing to share, yet makes us chuckle every time we remember it. Be it a result of clumsiness, bad idea, or stupidity, we treasure these memories into our hearts and will forever make us smile. Like you, I have my own scary experiences that I wanted to share since it is the scariest memories that are so hard to forget. Here are some of my untold stories that are supposed to be scary and turned out to be funny. I won’t be embarrassed to share them.

I love horror movies. No matter what genre: zombie, cannibalism, ghost, monsters, possession, etc., I love them all. I’m the type of person that could watch a marathon of horror movies in one night, in my dark room and alone, but this one horror movie was a bad idea. I watched the film ‘The Taking of Deborah Logan’ – a typical story about possession of an aged woman named, Deborah Logan who suffers from series of Anxiety and Alzheimer’s disease that turns out to be a demon possession. Why a bad idea?  I am living alone with my Grandmother. ha! ha! It’s not that I’m afraid to see my grand mom flying’ around the kitchen while cooking or doing extreme yoga while planting the garden, but isn’t it scary to see her standing rock steady and staring at you while you’re asleep 5 hours every night? I love you, Grandma.

You know what’s scary? Nightmares and near death experiences! But this one turned out to be funny. One night, I was driving on a long bridge in North Luzon Expressway. I’m so tired and sleepy from work so I decided to park my car on the side since I’m the only one driving on that night. I pulled up my Smartphone from my bag to check the time. It’s already 11:56. Good thing, there’s McDonald’s so I left my car to buy a Starbucks Venti sized Java chip. And then I wondered, I don’t have a Smartphone and I’m in the middle of a bridge with McDonald’s selling Venti-sized Java chip from Starbucks??? That’s when I realized, I’m already dreaming while driving!

Ghost hunting. Now that’s scary! Me and my friends were ghost hunting in an abandoned hospital in Quezon City when we suddenly heard a beeping sound like those we hear in the hospital bed. You know the beep that goes flat when the patient died? We were really scared because that’s something really paranormal (or is it?). My friends run and of course, I screamed and run with them. We continued to run and scream while running on the streets because the beeping sound never stopped as if it was following us. I reach my Nokia phone on my pocket to call dad because I’m too scared but upon reaching my phone while running, I noticed it was ringing. Dad is calling. I had a phone that was as strong as a war tank that beeps like a time bomb when someone’s calling. It was just my Nokia 3300 phone.

We all have our own fun untold stories. Kind of embarrassing but sometimes, reminiscing those moments is the only thing that could make us smile.

WHO’S KRAMPUS

 

It’s almost Christmas season and November has just ended. This time of the year reminds us that before joy, there’s always nightmare, like how Jack Skellington almost ruined Christmas with his Halloween-manufactured toys. His intentions were good though it did not turned out so well. Anyways, we’re not going to talk about Jack and his misadventures in Christmas town this time. We’re going to talk about someone scarier, fuzzier, and if someone is capable to make you hate Christmas for your entire life, it would be him. Let’s talk about Krampus.

 

Apparently, goats can give you bad day not just by crossing roads while you’re driving. They can also make you recite every single saint you know including the ones that hasn’t been nominated yet. This goat is what they called “the shadow of Saint Nicholas” and has been tormenting kids in Central Europe, Northern America, and some other Catholic countries around the world. His name is Krampus. Yes, he could be the name you probably already heard from your parents to make you behave on the last hours before Christmas at least.

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According to Wikipedia, Krampus is a horned, anthropomorphic figure. Anthropomorphism is the attribution of human characteristics or behavior to a god, animal, or object. He came from Alpine folklore that became popular mostly on countries around Europe although not as famous as our favorite Santa Claus. According to some stories, Krampus punishes children during Christmas season who have misbehaved, in contrast with Saint Nicholas, who rewards well-behaved ones with gifts. Now you know where that Naughty List mailed to.

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Based on the images I found on the internet and some books that have Krampus’ picture, he is always described and depicted as a hairy devil, with sharp claws, elongated horns, razor sharp teeth, chains, a long tail, and legs that resembled as of a goat’s hind legs. His feet and furry coat is also the same as a goat but his build, arms, and face is like of a man. In greeting cards, he is sometimes shown having one human foot and one cloven foot. He often wears a red coat, similar to Santa Claus’ favorite winter robe with bells and chimes that also jingles together with his chains as a sign of his arrival. Just like Santa but in an appearance of a man-goat creature. Its origin is clearly unknown but according to Wikipedia, his chains could have been introduced in a Christian attempt to ‘bind the Devil’ but they could also be a remnant of pagan initiation rites. An anthropologist named John J. Honigmann wrote when he is in a small town of Irdning, Austria in 1975 that the Austrians believe Krampus derives from a pagan supernatural who was assimilated to the Christian devil.

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In Europe, a cultural event happens yearly since 1800s that features Krampus in greeting cards. They call it Krampuskarten or sometimes introduced as Gruß vom Krampus which translates “Greetings from Krampus”. I don’t know what they feel upon receiving greetings from a devil but let’s just consider it as a reminder to be good for Christmas. Since children are one of the main focuses in Christmas, Krampus’ greeting card pictures are usually frightenning with Krampus forcely put children in a sack or cage for punishment.

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What I find funny with Krampus’ old pictures taken from books, are how people seem to welcome and accept him inside their houses so that he could pick their naughty kid every year, like a school bus. I think we already learned the lesson here. It is stated in a song with the lyrics that goes “He knows if you’ve been bad or good so be good for goodness sake”. If you don’t know where this line came from, you better watch this movie titled “Krampus” which will be in cinemas this December 2015.