Post-breakup outcomes are usually messy, but the goal is to survive this phase without making a mess of yourself. Why? Because there will come a time when you have gathered your wits and realize that life is still worth living. But to reach that Point B from your murky Point A, you have to ensure that your feelings at this point will not be an impediment to your bright future.
Now that the WHY is clear, let’s hash out the How’s.
Wallow if you must, but just for a time.
It is truly advisable, albeit hard, to muster all your courage to coach yourself and preach to yourself when all you wanted to do is curl up in your bed and cry. Allowing yourself to wallow for days, even weeks, is helpful. But you have to remind yourself later on of your purpose of living, and it’s definitely not found on that just-ended relationship. This shows strength of character, and strength of character is your capital to living the life that you want post-breakup.
Consider the past a friend.
This part may take some time to really sink into your consciousness. Any victory or tragedy rewards us with insight, and it’s your responsibility to use that as leverage over your future experiences. It is crucial to be able to grasp what this experience is teaching you about men/women, about life in general and most importantly about yourself. Recall where you went wrong, what things tick you off, what an ideal relationship is to you, and what qualities of a partner are important to you, as these are crucial to your future relationships.
When feelings overwhelm you, avoid social media at all cost.
Sub-tweets, cryptic status updates and stalking will be tempting for sure but it will greatly help if you avoid lashing out on anyone or anything online for now. You will never know who is reading and listening on the other end of your post-breakup “reflections”. Words can be deleted but its unforeseen consequences can be costly.
Create your own “happy place”.
Get a journal and list down the things that make you happy and more importantly, what makes you; reminding yourself who you are outside of a relationship works like magic and gives you a new center. Work on one thing each day that gets your closer to your goals. Go to places you’ve never been to before and experience things you’ve never done before. There is a Spanish word called Querencia that perfectly illustrates this point. Querencia is “a place where one feels secure”, “a place from which one’s strength of character is drawn”.
“In Spain, it is the place in the ring where the wounded bull goes to renew his strength and center himself, ready for a fresh charge. What a beautiful concept: A place in which we know exactly who we are, the place from which we speak our deepest beliefs.”
Seek the presence of family and friends.
While it is important to seek the counsel of your inner relationships, specifically family and friends, it is not healthy to dwell on the negativity post-breakup. Sometimes words will just feel off and empty, and at that time you will appreciate the mere presence of a loved one. It is a strong reminder that you have all you need, and it will keep you grounded as well.
This is a mandatory companion for post-breakup. Just remember that breakups can be healthy when you move and decide from the perspective of growth. A tub of salted caramel ice cream is just a fun treat throughout this journey.
Not because your relationship has ended, you won’t make it till the end of time. You slipped, you manage to get up!