The Breakup Checklist

the break up checklistBreakups are never easy. They never were. Countless movies were made to illustrate ways on how people can distract themselves from the hardship that comes along with it.

Post-breakup outcomes are usually messy, but the goal is to survive this phase without making a mess of yourself. Why? Because there will come a time when you have gathered your wits and realize that life is still worth living. But to reach that Point B from your murky Point A, you have to ensure that your feelings at this point will not be an impediment to your bright future.

Now that the WHY is clear, let’s hash out the How’s.

Wallow if you must, but just for a time.
It is truly advisable, albeit hard, to muster all your courage to coach yourself and preach to yourself when all you wanted to do is curl up in your bed and cry. Allowing yourself to wallow for days, even weeks, is helpful. But you have to remind yourself later on of your purpose of living, and it’s definitely not found on that just-ended relationship. This shows strength of character, and strength of character is your capital to living the life that you want post-breakup.

Consider the past a friend.
This part may take some time to really sink into your consciousness. Any victory or tragedy rewards us with insight, and it’s your responsibility to use that as leverage over your future experiences. It is crucial to be able to grasp what this experience is teaching you about men/women, about life in general and most importantly about yourself. Recall where you went wrong, what things tick you off, what an ideal relationship is to you, and what qualities of a partner are important to you, as these are crucial to your future relationships.

When feelings overwhelm you, avoid social media at all cost.
Sub-tweets, cryptic status updates and stalking will be tempting for sure but it will greatly help if you avoid lashing out on anyone or anything online for now. You will never know who is reading and listening on the other end of your post-breakup “reflections”. Words can be deleted but its unforeseen consequences can be costly.

Create your own “happy place”.
Get a journal and list down the things that make you happy and more importantly, what makes you; reminding yourself who you are outside of a relationship works like magic and gives you a new center. Work on one thing each day that gets your closer to your goals. Go to places you’ve never been to before and experience things you’ve never done before. There is a Spanish word called Querencia that perfectly illustrates this point. Querencia is “a place where one feels secure”, “a place from which one’s strength of character is drawn”.
“In Spain, it is the place in the ring where the wounded bull goes to renew his strength and center himself, ready for a fresh charge. What a beautiful concept: A place in which we know exactly who we are, the place from which we speak our deepest beliefs.”

Seek the presence of family and friends.
While it is important to seek the counsel of your inner relationships, specifically family and friends, it is not healthy to dwell on the negativity post-breakup. Sometimes words will just feel off and empty, and at that time you will appreciate the mere presence of a loved one. It is a strong reminder that you have all you need, and it will keep you grounded as well.

This is a mandatory companion for post-breakup. Just remember that breakups can be healthy when you move and decide from the perspective of growth. A tub of salted caramel ice cream is just a fun treat throughout this journey.

Not because your relationship has ended, you won’t make it till the end of time. You slipped, you manage to get up!


14 thoughts on “The Breakup Checklist

  1. After your loneliness and crying all night. It is now time to regain control of your life. Don’t forget that the only one who has any control over the reigns of your life is you. You have a life, and just because you had a break up, it does not mark the ending of your life as well. Start performing your regular activities. Go to work, attend Zumba exercise with your friends , go to your favorite cafe or bar again. In short, live your life, because, you must.
    Post break up is time for ranting to friends or family members who you are close to. It really helps. Not just because you get to vent out all the aggression or emotion within, but also because you have company at all times.


  2. Good tips..Break ups really breaks our heart and since it’s our own heart..we need to fix it alone by doing those tips in this blog. Don’t fix it with group of people because the pain is felt when we are alone.


  3. In love, no one can harm anyone else, we are each of us responsible for our own feelings and cannot blame someone else for what we feel. It hurt when I lost each of the various men I fell in love with. Now, though, I am convinced that no one loses anyone, because no one owns anyone. That is the true experience of freedom, having the most important thing in the world without owning it. Grief is in two parts. The first is loss. The second is the remaking of life, every day is a new day, and you’ll never be able to find happiness if you don’t move on.


  4. Isa lang solution diyan kapag hindi na kayang ayusin pa give up na dahil kapag once na pinag patuloy pa ang relasyong hindi na maganda 100% iiyak ka higit pa sa iyak na binuhos mo nung una.


  5. It’s completely healthy, and natural, to replay the relationship repeatedly in your mind, but you should try to keep your emotions in check.

    It’s hard to move on when surrounded by constant reminders of the failed relationship. It’s imperative to remove what are known as “memory triggers” that remind you not only of the good times, but also the bad


  6. Sometimes people can hardly make their past as their friend. As for me, I am friend with my pasts and we are nice. I mean everyone has to move on and get going right? Ain’t even a tree to just stay where I am. Lol!


  7. undergoing break-ups can make you feel down everyday. focusing on something else where you can pour your negative energy and at the same time make use of it in a productive manner can sometimes help. Family and friend support is also very important. It feels good to have someone beside you assuring you that things will be better.


  8. Breakups suck! I guess what’s important is that you love yourself first before anything or anyone else. Yes, breakups will still hurt no matter what, but if you love yourself, you won’t lose you who truly are even if a big part of your life leaves you. 🙂


  9. I am already married so I hope I will never need these breakup tips. 🙂 But they are really good tips for other types of loss as well. – Fred


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